


Giving Up the Ghost

by oldwickedsongs



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-23 02:35:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21312754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oldwickedsongs/pseuds/oldwickedsongs
Summary: Aboard Discovery, Pike remembers Gabriel and learns a few things. A character study of both of Discovery captains. (and yeah I ship them)
Relationships: Gabriel Lorca | Mirror Gabriel Lorca/Christopher Pike
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	Giving Up the Ghost

** _San Francisco. Before. _ **

“Do you think Boothby ages?” The voice was soft, and pensive but Pike knew better. He didn’t need to look up to see a familiar glint of mischief in his eyes. Whenever he spoke Gabriel Lorca had mischief in it. Maybe it was a Southern thing; Gabriel took longer than Chris to grow close to people but when he did, the person underneath liked tall tales and possessed an easy warmth paired with what could only be described as an odd affection to fortune cookies. “Or was he born old?”

The Academy’s gardener in question was leaning casually against a hoe chatting with Phillipa and Kat already while Garth lay sunning on the grass. From their distance, it looked like Katrina Cornwell was balancing Padds precariously on Garth’s stomach while the Izarian dozed. Boothby smiled at them as they approached and then waved as he returned to his duties. 

“….he could be a clone.” Gabriel was continuing thoughtfully and released Chris hand long enough to wave at Kat.

There was a small pang of jealousy that blossomed in his chest Chris felt guilty about and tried- albeit- begrudgingly to push down again. He always suspected that if he hadn’t had caught Gabriel’s eye in first period, it would currently be Kat’s hand he held.

Phillipa Georgiou made room for the couple as they arrived. More his friend then Kat and Gabe’s on account of his accelerated learning she was a few years older than them and had just returned from Andoria; completing training at their military academy before returning to Earth for placement. There were rumors of placement as an instructor although somehow he doubted Pippa would be content on land. She was an explorer.

So was he.

“About time you two made it.” She teased lightly and plucking a Padd from the small tower that had been Gabe’s friend (Garth never moved, but continued snoring blissfully) handed it to him. 

“Astrophysics.” He deadpanned. “Yay.”

“How do you intend to be Captain if you fail basic understanding of the universe?”

“Make Gabe my science officer?”

It was Kat’s turn to laugh, “Because married couples can serve together, no sweat…”

He saw, or thought he saw, a glare being shot between Lorca and Cornwell but he definitely heard the kick. Kat rubbed her shin and spat a nasty look at Gabriel before brushing it off with a smile. “I mean if that’s your intention.”

“All I know is you’re both brave.” Phillipa interjected, raising her hands and attempting to soothe it over. “Long distance is a terrible burden on a relationship.” She smiled at Gabriel. “Congratulations on your acceptance by the way, from what Chris tells me you’ll be teaching Andorians a thing or two about tactical.”

Gabriel seemed to shrink in place and when he met Chris’ eyes again it was a low voice that followed. “…I was going to tell you."

* * *

** _Starbase Fourteen. Then. _ **

They didn’t last. His fault.

He was always a coward when it came to the leap. He could face down a pack of Romulan warbirds or Klingon fighters that would occasionally pick at their lines but if asked to be present in a relationship; Gabriel Lorca turned into an ostrich with his head in the dirt. Balayna had laughed at it although he knew sometimes he frustrated her. He just wasn’t good at sharing. Never had been.

There was an engagement ring in storage that proved it. He hadn’t even mustered the courage to ask Chris. Scared he’d say no. Terrified he’d say yes.

Balayna.

He still couldn’t think of her without feeling like his chest was tightening and the air was getting harder to break into his lungs. Kat called it shock. Mourning. A battery of mental tests and visits with head doctors later (he’d gotten better, too, lying to them) before he was finally cleared for service again. On his bed was a list of open positions- other colony worlds and a few stellar cartography gigs.

He felt like laughing. He knew- vaguely- there would come a time when he could look back into the stars again and feel that awe that made him push close to the view screen and cherish the sights but right now, the universe just felt grey.

He had failed Tarsus IV.

He knew, logically, that Kodos had been an unforeseeable anomaly. Starfleet Command had cleared him of wrong doing and the Governor herself along with dozens of survivors had thanked him for his duty in keeping them calm and protected during the crisis. He felt sick to his stomach at the thought of it. There was nothing he could have done to save those dead. But it didn’t matter.

He was a Starfleet officer, and those people died on his watch. 

It ate at him; like a serpent in the gut and dimmed the stars around him. He was aware- suddenly- of each and every terror out there and how close the Federation was to falling victim to those savages. He should have been a fist instead of an outreached hand. Maybe if he had been those like Kodos or the Romulans wouldn’t have passed under his watch.

Thoughts like that were dangerous, he knew, and there was such a fine line between protection and tyranny; becoming the monster he fought against. But maybe. Just maybe sometimes it was worth it.

He’d gladly have killed Kodos with his bare hands and enjoyed it if those four thousand dead lived because of it. He could learn to live in dim lights and darkness.

It was crazy talk, Chris would tell him. Rage. Grief. And Kodos didn’t deserve another victory.

But Christopher Pike was something special. He had known it the moment those dimples turned on him in class. People like him and Phillipa had the best parts of humanity in spades; their compassion and openness came easy like water in a brook. Like the lights of stars. They made the world better. Made others better. They were the best of the Federation.

People like him were the ones who guarded the gates.

_Incoming transmission from Lt. Commander Christopher Pike. _

Gabe’s thoughts were interrupted by the computer console. He should answer. He’d have to explain to the shrinks if he didn’t. He knew Pike would report it. Kat would ask. Pippa was already scrutinizing him too close for comfort. He should answer.

He grabbed the Padd from the bed and pulled up the Aries listing. Garth of Izar had offered him Tactical if he wanted it. He could learn a lot from him.

* * *

** _Discovery. Captain’s Ready Room. Now. _ **

He wondered if Katrina had sent it over.

He wondered if Lorca- _not Gabriel, never Gabriel_\- had pulled it from storage an brought it along as a trophy. He’d seen the room of pinned predators; the dead and dissected the Terran had collected and surrounded himself with. He’d made a point of incinerating everything in that dark, cold room and opened it up. He put air there, room and trinkets of the Mojave on every wall as if he could expel a ghost by removing something cursed.

This stayed.

The geode ring box was small, it fit into his palm and when opened the crystal inside sparkled like a star. A cheap trick. Something Gabriel would’ve loved. He loved poetry and was utterly sentimental about things that inspired wonder. He never lost his childish enjoyment of space. Chris wondered if Gabe was ever ashamed of it. He liked to talk tough but underneath that shield was a raw heart. He might have been one of the greatest minds in warfare Starfleet but Chris had always thought it was because he saw so much to protect.

Someone who could see the universe, all it’s faults and still_ hope_. Gabriel wasn't a fist. He wasn't a weapon; he was a shield. 

The ring was made of petrified wood from the Mojave. Like so many things it had taken whatever the world thrown at it and became harden. A thin tendril of gold carved itself through the vein of the tree as if begging to be studied. It was a thing of awe.

He could almost picture him; young and unburdened by the world on bended knee and terrified.

_I’m not him. I’m not Lorca._ But neither was he…

Chris shook his head as he heard Gabriel’s voice in the back of his head. Mind on the mission. This crew needs you to guard the gate. 

Like he would have. 


End file.
